Blessing Or Curse

What comes to mind when you think of family? Is it the scenario of love, care, affection and home? Is it a warm tender feeling of good times and celebrations? What is it really? I suppose everyone have their own thoughts and feelings on what it is. I know what family suppose to be betrayed as but what if a lot of the family are the total opposite of the scenario? What if family was a feeling of unhappiness, abuse, deceit and betrayal? What if it was made of the total opposite known as dysfunction? How about thieves and alcoholics? How do you manage being in this kind of family? It would be safe to say that a child would definitely have a hard time making it through. The values that are set will be very low and the child wouldn't have good role models unless it was an outside source or someone in the family who somehow kept a straight head. She or he understood enough to do what he or she could to make a change. What if the family doesn't want change, they're perfectly happy with being unhappy?

My biggest challenge has been family. I've always been family oriented but the family I have has tainted my sense of view. It has caused me great hurt and I've lost the desire to have my own family. Me being protective, loving and loyal has caused great humiliation. At some point in my life I decided that having children would be a bad choice. I wouldn't be able to give them the love of a family. Do you trust the people who abused you? The family and friends are not trustworthy. There are some sick and twisted minds however, I'm still working through things and have a better insight. It's important to me to break these cycles. If you have a family that dosen't have love and respect for themselves, you can't expect them to love and care for you. They wasn't taught how to do so. I now see myself growing out of these patterns that I've learned. Being the blacksheep of the family has always been. It's a great thing because it means that I no longer accept what I don't deserve. Family think they have a right into your life, telling you what you should and shouldn't feel, what you sholud and shouldn't do. Family can be your downfall if you let it. They sometimes feel that you have to put up with things because it's family and that's all there is. Family to me isn't based on blood. To me it's the people who love you unconditionally and accept you for who you are. Family sometimes have conditions... we only love you because we are family! They don't really like you but feel obligated to do so because you are such and such daughter or son, so I have to love you. Which isn't really love at all. Some strangers as well as friends showed more love and care than the blood family. Fighting each other, stealing from each other and deceiving each other is not my idea of family. I've learned how to not be affected by these things, at least not for long. I keep my conscience clear so that I can always find peace knowing I did my best and I'm not a part of the dysfunction. If I want to do better and be better, family will not stop me. My family doesn't represent who I am. I like what I like, I love what I love and who I love. Family doesn't get a say so about my life and future. I have to find my own path to become my own self.

Coming up as a young child I was very lonely and longed for a family. I didn't get much love and attention but when I did it was mostly the wrong kind of attention. It left a huge hole in my heart. I was raised mostly by my grandparents but it wasn't enough. I kept reaching out to get to know my other family. Knowing the family I already had wasn't very good, I tried and tried for years to know the others. It started out alright but it turned uglier and uglier. I still tried to ignore what was going on. At some point I had to accept that it was worse than the other part of my family. Going from so bad to even worse, I now regret the effort I put in. The bright side is that it led me to this and this new person I am. Sometimes we reach out and hold onto things in hopes of something better. Sometimes it's not what we hope for, so now I see it as double edged. You may not know which end you will end up with. I was in need of family and got the opposite. What I found was awful, more abuse, sexual dysfunction, alcoholism, mental issues, pedophiles and more. For anyone longing for family, love and attention beware that it may or may not be what you need. Go in knowing that it could be good or bad and you get to decide if it's good for you or not. If you have young children let them have an opinion, you never know what they feel and know. Just because it's family doesn't mean they will have your best interest. Those who are blessed with a loving family, don't take it for granted.